Gerrard Undermines Champions League! About time.

"I am not going to pretend that even winning the trophy will make up for the disappointment of the league campaign," said Steven Gerrard through tear-stained eyes as he chucked his 2005 Champions League winners medal in the bin. Probably. 

It seems as if the Liverpool captain has officially ended his love affair with the European Cup, as he reflects on what has been another dismal season for the Reds. 

Currently sitting fifth in the Premier League, a hefty 17 points behind leaders Arsenal, the dead man walking...sorry, Rafa Benitez to you and I, also finds his side out of the League Cup and recently the FA Cup, with an embarrasing defeat to lower league Barnsley making Liverpool's American owners as angry as Jamie Carragher on a cold morning.

So surely the Champions League is their only chance to redeem themselves from a complete disaster this campaign? 

Imagine this. Some fortunate refereeing decisions, a fluky run to the final, an opposition team who thinks a game only lasts 45 minutes when they get there. It could be their year again!

It doesn't matter that they aren't the best team, that they haven't performed at all this season, or that Dirk Kuyt manages to get a game week in, week out. This is the Champions league remember? 

But with Gerrard issuing the divorce papers with the European Cup as we speak, the question is, do they really want it?

The league is their priority, and as captain Stevie puts it himself: "You don't get any prizes in football for finishing in second place, never mind fourth."

Well actually mate, fourth place will, perversely, get your lot back into the Champions League next season! 

So when you find your team looking through a telescope at the leaders again this time next season, Europe's elite competition is always there for you to fall back on again.

Moscow Ticket Circus Begins

Nobody rush! There's plenty for everyone!

Tickets for the May final are now on sale, despite the fact we are not yet even into the quarter-finals!

Of course, this is a plan thought up by UEFA, designed to drum up interest and remind us all of the Champions League's worldwide appeal. Which must be why around 25% of tickets are set aside for sponsors rather than added on to the measly 21,000 each finalist will eventually receive.

Speaking of sponsors, did I mention that to buy a ticket from UEFA, you must hold a credit card in the name of Visa, Eurocard or Mastercard? Or that you could end up paying a 40 euro administrative fee on top of the already extortionate ticket price? It must be one big form they are filling in for that kind of money!

Oh and by the way, you've stumped up the money, you've told your mates you're on your way to Russia, but there's still one more catch.

This system UEFA have designed is only a ballot, a lottery which promises the scant chance of a maximum two tickets.

As usual, it seems the biggest winners are UEFA themselves. A footballing governing body which doesn't care for the fans? Who would've thought it?

Welcome

Becoming disillusioned with the Champion$ League? Tired of the constant and superfluous media hyperbole that accompanies every game? Annoyed with the ever-increasing ticket prices and, as a result, prize money in the game?

Welcome to Champion$ League-Having a Laugh, my new blog designed to provide you with a light-hearted look at Michel Platini's love-child, Europe's "elite" competition, the showpiece for the rest of the world to marvel at and drool uncontrollably.

A competition which features highlights including: Olympiakos 0-0 Chelsea, a game so dull even Avram Grant looked interesting in comparison; Marco Materazzi of Inter Milan picking up red cards like headbutts at a Zidane family barbecue; The same old teams. Every. Single. Year, reaching the knock-out stages. AC Milan? Yep. Liverpool? Yep, somehow. Real Madrid? Of course.

So if you agree with me, read on and enjoy. If not, visit the official UEFA site and say hello to the positive spin doctors for me.